In my previous post, Healing Starts Here: Habits, Recovery & Reclaiming Yourself (Part 1), I shared with you some reflections on habits, and my journey to triumph over a twenty-six-and-a-half-year addiction
Habits are things we do, often without thinking about them, as they’ve become as regular in our life as walking. Most of us don’t have to think about how we walk, we just do it. But it wasn’t always that way! Babies have to be intentional and think about each step before they take it…
The question, then becomes, how do we change a habitual pattern, transform it into something more useful in living a life that feels full, joyful, and vibrant? So many options to choose from, Neighbor! Below are three concepts that have helped me.
Three (3) tips that helped me kick a smoking habit, and reclaim my health and my life.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Even though I teach and preach this on the daily, Neighbor, I am Human. I have a great deal of reverence for a man named Benjamin Lerner. He is a tireless advocate with a slogan #wedorecover. On June 13, 2025, he will be clean and sober for nine years! I celebrate his success with him. His work, his music, his tireless efforts in encouraging others in recovery from alcohol and substance abuse is changing and saving lives.
When I can, I tune into his social medial lives, and I recently realized that I was feeling like I really didn’t belong there. Why? Because my past addiction was only cigarettes. And then, in one of his talks, he shared a moment that stands out in his mind, and that is of his father peering out from behind his curtains, seeing his son on the street searching for cigarette butts. Benjamin watched him quietly close the blinds without saying a word to his son.
When Benjamin told that story, I was transported to one of the times I tried to quit smoking. When my neighbors weren’t home or were asleep, I went over to their butt can and would scarf any remnants that had even one puff left in them. And I would often find myself glancing over my shoulders to see if anyone was watching before I snatched one from a public butt can. The overwhelming pull for that next nicotine hit far outweighed the cringe thoughts: that I had no idea whose lips had touched that cigarette and what germs might be on them.
One day, after many months of this daily practice, I came to a stark realization: I hadn’t quit smoking. I’d merely stopped buying cigarettes. Feeling shame, stupidity, embarrassment, and failure, I returned to the comfort of my own daily hacks and packs.
I believed, for a short while, that I was different from those who had successfully kicked their habits, and that I just didn’t have what it took to be successful.
Fall down seven times. Get up eight. – Japanese Proverb
In the first post, I shared many of the ways I tried to quit smoking. Benjamin Lerner is transparent about how many times he recovered, relapsed, and recovered, again.
Some of the most notable people in history have talked about how they “failed” more times than they can count. When asked how he felt about failing ten-thousand times to create a working lightbulb, Thomas Edison replied, “I have not failed 10,000 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 10,000 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.” In others words, he looked at failure as feedback.
In a Diary of a CEO discussion (circa May 26, 2025) between founder, Steven Bartlett, and guest, Simon Sinek, Simon had this to say about failure and success: “I think it’s important to have dreams beyond your skills or your resources, because that’s where creativity comes from; that’s where resourcefulness comes from…when you go, ‘How am I going to figure this one out?'”
Though he’s speaking in terms of business success and failure in his context, the same applies to finding resolution in conflict and grief, “recovering” from any form of addiction or unhealthy pattern. Why? Because you are stepping out of those old, comfy shoes, shedding that tattered and torn security blanket that no longer serves you, and stepping into something that will, at first, feel a little unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
I chewed so much Big Red gum in the three to four years after quitting smoking that it might have served me to purchase stock in the company. One choice. One step. Repeat. Rinse. Repeat. You are rewiring your old patterns that no longer serve you. And creating new ones that do.
Focus on what you DO want.
A year or so after I’d quit scouring cigarette receptacles, quit buying cigarettes, and truly stopped smoking, I started a new job. The smokers would gather outside the main entrance every day before and after work, and on lunch breaks. The first several times I had to walk through their plumes of nicotine waste, I felt myself bickering inside about how much I hated it and how their behavior was insensitive.
One day, however, I realized that allowing myself to enter into that very state was also one of the factors that would likely lead me back down the path to meeting that old comfy friend, The Cig. I made a conscious choice in that moment. I was going to focus on how grateful and happy I was that I wasn’t smoking anymore. And it worked, Neighbor. It reinforced the pride I felt for my accomplishment, the joys I was experiencing in my health and showering without gasping for air, how I was using the money that I was no longer spending on cigarettes, and so much more.
In his book, Atomic Habits, author James Clear says this: “Habits are a dopamine-driven feedback loop. When dopamine rises, so does our motivation to act.”
You’ll hear me say this millions of times: Healing is a choice, which makes it empowering. You, Neighbor, get to choose if your dopamine spike will come from something that feels uplifting or something that feels like it’s dragging you backwards, kicking and screaming.
Whether it’s Benjamin Lerner, Simon Sinek, Thomas Edison, Frank Sinatra, or me, the one thing I believe beyond any shadow of doubt is that each of us can create the success we want by doing it our way. You, Neighbor, can find the right combination that works for you.
Recovery. Resolution. Reclaiming yourself. Possibility.
They happen.
One habit.
One dream.
One resource.
One creative idea.
One step.
One healing moment.
At a time.
I call it Heal It Your Way.™
What habit(s) will you choose in the name of healing and reclaiming yourself today, Neighbor?
If any of this resonates with you–or if you know someone else who might be looking to live a more fulfilled life–please share this post.
I see you. I feel you. I believe in you, Neighbor.
Annah xoxo