{"id":379467,"date":"2014-06-15T00:30:00","date_gmt":"2014-06-15T00:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/2014\/06\/15\/holy-matrimony\/"},"modified":"2014-06-15T00:30:00","modified_gmt":"2014-06-15T00:30:00","slug":"holy-matrimony","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/2014\/06\/15\/holy-matrimony\/","title":{"rendered":"HOLY MATRIMONY!"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n
<\/a><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

Holy cow!<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Holy cold!<\/span><\/div>\n
Holy hail!<\/span><\/div>\n
Holy hell!<\/span><\/div>\n
Holy shit!<\/span><\/div>\n
HOLY MATRIMONY!<\/span><\/div>\n
I am tired, Journeyers.<\/span><\/div>\n
Tired of revisiting the Same<\/span><\/a>. Old<\/span><\/a>. Arguments<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/div>\n
Tired of fighting\u2026to be heard\u2026understood\u2026validated\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
Tired of fighting to end the madnesses that are the foundations for relationship strife\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
Tired of fighting for all of us, my family, especially when I often feel like I\u2019m the only one fighting to keep it all together\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
The only one fighting to find ways to put an end to the bickering and dysfunction\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
Tired of feeling like I\u2019m the one who always has to pour that first God-damned cup of coffee, as Glennon Melton calls it\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
I can\u2019t find the link to that article she wrote, but if you go here<\/span><\/a>, you will, no doubt, find more inspiration to fill you up and warm your soul than you can possibly imagine\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
Pouring that first cup of coffee represents the person who initiates whatever needs initiating\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
The one who opens the proverbial door to discussions\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
The one who suggests counseling when the couple can\u2019t seem to hurdle over their marital humps\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
The one who gets on the phone and does whatever is needed to secure someone for the two to talk to\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
The one who keeps track of said appointments and insurance EOBs and payments\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
I sit here staring at the screen, contemplating whether I want to go lie down and sleep for the rest of the day or if I want to keep pouring this pain onto the page.<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cI\u2019m done,\u201d I said to Warren yesterday, and again this morning.<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cI\u2019m done. I don\u2019t know what else to do. I was thinking earlier about the fact that we talked about going to another therapist, but it apparently wasn\u2019t important enough to you.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
And then, just when I think that we\u2019ve reached a stalemate, he pulls a list of therapists from his wallet.<\/span><\/div>\n
A list he\u2019s been carrying around since shortly after the woman we\u2019d made so much progress with abruptly quit her practice.<\/span><\/div>\n
I\u2019m talking six months or more.<\/span><\/div>\n
I\u2019d asked him if he\u2019d ask his therapist if she\u2019d be interested and willing to do marriage counseling for us, or if she could recommend anyone.<\/span><\/div>\n
I\u2019d hit several stone walls, in the form of our client list is full<\/i>, with the professionals I\u2019d contacted.<\/span><\/div>\n
My proverbial plate was full as I was working on meeting deadlines for my TEDx speech<\/span><\/a> and publishing a book<\/span><\/a> and preparing a grant application and putting together my first public presentation.<\/span><\/div>\n
Days turned into weeks and then into months\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cThings were going good,\u201d he said, \u201cI didn\u2019t think we needed to see someone,\u201d he continued, \u201cbesides, we\u2019d talked about just moving forward with everything we\u2019d learned from Trish.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
Flabbergasted.<\/span><\/div>\n
Angry because he didn\u2019t follow through. Wasn\u2019t our marriage worth the time<\/i>?<\/span><\/div>\n
Sad as hell because he didn\u2019t follow through. Why doesn\u2019t he feel our marriage is worthy of the investment<\/i>.<\/span><\/div>\n
Depleted and hopeful and afraid when he shared with me that it was likely fear that kept him from contacting any of those people.<\/span><\/div>\n
Fear and I are close companions; she\u2019s like a second skin sometimes.<\/span><\/div>\n
She\u2019s what makes me loud and even more dramatic than I usually am.<\/span><\/div>\n
She\u2019s also sort of the nudge that keeps me going, keeps me learning and growing and moving forward, for when she\u2019s present, I ultimately respond to her needs.<\/span><\/div>\n
What I must remember is that we are all sometimes stalled by fear, held hostage for a while until some catalyst or realization frees us and spurs us into movement.<\/span><\/div>\n
Warren and I were in a very similar place this same time last year, days before our twenty-fourth anniversary.<\/span><\/div>\n
Knowing that I needed to change the way I was looking at our dilemma, I wrote this piece<\/span><\/a>to honor his presence in my life.<\/span><\/div>\n
Tomorrow is Father\u2019s Day and Tuesday marks twenty-five years since the day Warren and I stood at the entrance of a wooden arch that had been erected on the only solid ground to be found within our sixty-some acres of land.<\/span><\/div>\n
Twenty-five years since we agreed to love, honor<\/i>, and cherish<\/i>, in sickness <\/i>and in health,<\/i>for richer<\/i> or for poorer<\/i>\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
Needless to say that I\u2019m not much in the celebrating and cherishing mood after being mad and sad and confused and conflicted for an entire week.<\/span><\/div>\n
Father\u2019s Day is a day to say a special extra thank you for being a wonderful dad, to honor those men, those single moms and grandpas and grandmas and neighbors and big brothers, anyone who has taken the time and expended copious amounts of energy loving their children.<\/span><\/div>\n
Warren is undeniably one of those #1 Dads.<\/span><\/div>\n
And no matter how you slice it, twenty-five years is something to write home about, as the saying goes.<\/span><\/div>\n
But, HOLY MATRIMONY!<\/b>, marriage can be such unbelievably hard work.<\/span><\/div>\n
So, Journeyers, here\u2019s what I\u2019m going to do.<\/span><\/div>\n
Firstly, I\u2019m going to take the advice I gave to those newly-weds<\/span><\/a> a few weeks back: \u201cLove, even when you don\u2019t feel like it.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/a><\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\n
I\u2019m going to try to remember to love with everything I\u2019ve got.<\/span><\/div>\n
I\u2019m going to be thankful that I have a spouse who\u2019s willing to work it out.<\/span><\/div>\n
I\u2019m going to revisit that piece I wrote on our 24th<\/sup> anniversary\u2026<\/span>
\n
\n<\/span><\/p>\n
I\u2019m going to dial number after number until I find a therapist who\u2019ll say yes <\/em>to taking on a new client and someone <\/span>who will help me sort out my conflicts and resentment.<\/span><\/span>\n<\/div>\n

and I\u2019m going to reflect on our roots, on Warren\u2019s leaves of bravery and compassion and dedication and joy and patience and romance\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

I\u2019m going to send out onto the universe love and light, so that it may bounce back onto me and any of you who are also struggling in a relationship and wondering how the hell you\u2019re going to get through the next hour, how you\u2019re going to survive the next put on your happy face <\/i>celebratory event.<\/span><\/div>\n
I\u2019m going to climb into our hot tub and let the warm water work its magic.<\/span><\/div>\n
And I\u2019m going to sleep and sleep and sleep and wish for rejuvenation\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
And right now I\u2019m going to head over to our good friends\u2019 home with Warren, to play cards and laugh and let loose a little and try to let go of some of this angst\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
Thank you for being here, Journeyers, for sharing my joys and my burdens\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
Together we can lighten one another\u2019s heavy loads\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
Together we can brighten the skies with thunder-clapping joys\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
Until next we meet again, yours in healing and hope and happiness\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/span><\/span><\/span>~AE<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
Soon\u2026<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Holy cow! Holy cold! Holy hail! Holy hell! Holy shit! HOLY MATRIMONY! I am tired, Journeyers. Tired of revisiting the Same. Old. Arguments. Tired of fighting\u2026to be heard\u2026understood\u2026validated\u2026 Tired of fighting to end the madnesses that are the foundations for relationship strife\u2026 Tired of fighting for all of us, my family, especially when I often […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3464,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1269,34,908,1276,55,788,223],"class_list":["post-379467","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-25th-wedding-anniversary","tag-conflict-resolution","tag-fathers-day","tag-holy-matrimony","tag-love","tag-marriage-counseling","tag-relationships"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/Wedding-Rings-in-Sun-and-Storm-Clouds.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/379467","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=379467"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/379467\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3464"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=379467"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=379467"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=379467"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}