{"id":379506,"date":"2013-10-30T09:30:00","date_gmt":"2013-10-30T09:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/2013\/10\/30\/the-power-of-no\/"},"modified":"2013-10-30T09:30:00","modified_gmt":"2013-10-30T09:30:00","slug":"the-power-of-no","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/2013\/10\/30\/the-power-of-no\/","title":{"rendered":"The Power of ‘No’"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Last Friday our office had a meeting to discuss the new health insurance options our district is considering.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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True to my usual form, I asked several pointed questions.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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Afterward, our union director approached me and asked if I would be a representative.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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\u201cI\u2019m honored that you\u2019ve considered me,\u201d I replied, \u201cbut \u2018no.\u2019\u201d<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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\u201cWhy?\u201d he asked.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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I proceeded to rattle off my list of duties: Work. Bookkeeper for Hubby\u2019s business. Mom chasing her cherubs all of the country. Writer and speaker.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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\u201cYou\u2019ve got a lot of irons in the fire,\u201d he said, and then he went in for the kill, \u201cbut it really doesn\u2019t take that much time.\u201d<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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This is a lesson that I am going to relearn a thousand times in my lifetime: It doesn\u2019t have to be me.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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But, as is often the case, I allowed this debate to derail what I knew in my heart to be what I wanted, mores o, what I didn\u2019t want.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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The last thing I want to do is take on another job, especially one that involved labor disputes, dealing with people who aren\u2019t doing their job and\/or are creating drama for others.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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He came to me. How flattering. That makes me somebody valued. If not me, who?<\/o:p><\/span><\/i><\/div>\n

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\u201cI\u2019ll tell you what,\u201d I said, \u201cI won\u2019t just shut the door on your offer without talking to other people who are involved first. Give me a few days and I\u2019ll get back to you.\u201d<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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And so it began.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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I spoke to two of the three other involved people in our building and then to a friend who has similar experience.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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Union representative might not look to bad on a resume.<\/o:p><\/span><\/i><\/div>\n

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Are you CRAZY, Annah?<\/span><\/i><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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When I went to bed last night, I had no idea what I was going to do, but this morning, when I crossed paths with this guy who sees my potential, I knew exactly what I wanted.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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\u201cHey, I want to thank you for considering me for that position, but I\u2019m going to respectfully decline as I just don\u2019t think I can devote the time it needs.\u201d<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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I even went so far as to offer the names of two other people who I felt would be suitable candidates.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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Want to know something even more humbling? He\u2019d asked them before coming to me, along with a third coworker, and all three had turned down the offer. <\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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Can I tell you how good it feels to say \u201cno\u201d and to stop feeling badly about it?<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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This little incident reminded me of a previous post, one in which I explored <\/span>the personality traits that lead us to choose or agree to situations that we know aren\u2019t right for us<\/span><\/span><\/a>\u2026<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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It\u2019s such an important message I\u2019m reposting it below.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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Check it, then ask yourself, Are you someone who doesn\u2019t have a problem telling others that you aren\u2019t able to help them or are you one who will create fifty-million reasons why you shouldn\u2019t say \u2018no?\u2019<\/o:p><\/i><\/span><\/div>\n

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Women, we need this\u2026<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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Go ahead. It\u2019s okay. Say it\u2026<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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\u201cNo\u2026\u201d<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

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Soon\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/a><\/div>\n
<\/span><\/o:p><\/span> <\/div>\n
A Personality Peril<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/i><\/b><\/div>\n
First posted December 4, 2010<\/span><\/div>\n
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After the Thanksgiving meal, our family conversation somehow landed on the topic of personality traits. Each of us seems to be bent toward a particular action. Caretaker<\/span><\/em>and fixer<\/span><\/em> are the two types our nine members discussed around the dinner table. I have thought often about my inherent nature. What I have discovered is this: I am the problem solver, the fixer. Many a dilemma places me on a path of contemplation and brainstorming, sometimes to a fault… <\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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I first discovered this about myself three-and-a-half years ago. The work I loved had been restructured–my position obliterated–moving me from an active, on-my-feet and creative role, to a sedentary, non-innovative chore. I knew I wanted to make a change. But should I? And, what? These were the questions rattling around in my brain as I faced the ensuing changes.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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Within two weeks of my boss’ notification, I received a phone call from a local organization who was looking for a manager for one of their departments. My name had come up in their meetings, as a person who not only had experience in the field, but would be an asset to them. They were inquiring about my employment status: Was I employed? Would I consider a change?<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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The stars had aligned, the universe had graced me with a potential job–precisely when I needed one–and a big ego boost, to boot. <\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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The group needed a part-time person right away, and the job and I seemed tailor-made for one another. The position afforded great flexibility, a program needed to be created, facilitated, and implemented, and it happened to be in a specialized field in which I had expertise. But after the phone conversation, a nagging tugged within me. The workload description did not fit the quantifier part-time<\/span><\/em>. Of that I felt confident. To the contrary, it would likely have included many full-time-plus weeks.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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A longstanding, months-long, community wide series of events was about to begin, and the group was suddenly without a supervisor. Additionally, the organization had been discussing new, long-range objectives, and they needed an innovative person to help move them forward with their planning and implementation.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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Forty-plus-hours did not fit into my active household schedule. I knew specifically what I wanted and needed, both for myself and for my family. A polite, Thanks, but no thanks<\/span><\/em>, should have been the end of the interview. Yet I grappled with my decision, even more so, after the face-to-face that had me believing the company was telling me everything I wanted to hear, simply to bring me on board. Not that they were misleading me, intentionally. But, I do believe the urgency of their needs clouded their discussions and thought process.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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The universe sent me this job. They had no way of knowing I was thinking about changing employment. The heavens literally opened up and plopped this position right into my lap.<\/span><\/em>This line of thinking was justified and augmented by the fact that I hadn’t worked in this field for six years. I understood the image bolstering part of my decision making dilemma. But ego would not be the crux of my angst.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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From the onset, I had discussed this situation with a good friend, and shared this last frustration with her. “I’m guessing they know I will get the job done, regardless of how many hours it takes…fortitude…diligence… They know I won’t quit until the project is completed. I know I’m that way, and I don’t want to invest that sort of time right now.”<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
“Then why are you having such a hard time saying, ‘no’?<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
“Because they are desperate. They need someone immediately, and–“<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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“And, that’s your<\/span><\/em>problem, why<\/span><\/em>?”<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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Oh, my sage, sage, friend, whose question landed in my lap, much like the job offer had…<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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Therein lay the heart of my dilemma, pumping life into my conflict.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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These people had a problem. I had the resources, much of the experience needed, the skill, not to mention the ambition and drive and dedication to help them. And, they had come to me<\/span><\/em> for assistance.<\/span><\/em> <\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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I was making their plight my problem.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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To the detriment of my private and familial needs… The fault part of my otherwise constructive, problem-solver being…<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
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My own little personality peril… The epiphany provided me a golden nugget of self-awareness knowledge, an ounce of wisdom…<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
What drives you? Are you a fixer? A peacekeeper? A caretaker? What personality peril(s) causes you conflict? Have you unearthed it yet, or does it lie dormant?<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last Friday our office had a meeting to discuss the new health insurance options our district is considering. True to my usual form, I asked several pointed questions. Afterward, our union director approached me and asked if I would be a representative. \u201cI\u2019m honored that you\u2019ve considered me,\u201d I replied, \u201cbut \u2018no.\u2019\u201d \u201cWhy?\u201d he asked. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3816,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[122,123,1179,1180],"class_list":["post-379506","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-personality-peril","tag-personality-trait","tag-saying-no","tag-the-power-of-no"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/The-Power-of-No-.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/379506","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=379506"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/379506\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3816"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=379506"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=379506"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=379506"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}