{"id":379565,"date":"2013-06-05T01:28:00","date_gmt":"2013-06-05T01:28:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/2013\/06\/05\/i-have-a-confession-and-a-secret-stash\/"},"modified":"2013-06-05T01:28:00","modified_gmt":"2013-06-05T01:28:00","slug":"i-have-a-confession-and-a-secret-stash","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/2013\/06\/05\/i-have-a-confession-and-a-secret-stash\/","title":{"rendered":"I Have a Confession, and a Secret Stash"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/p>\n
Journeyers, I have a confession.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

After Warren\u2019s last affair I began piling away a secret stash.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Cold hard cash that no one knows about but me.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

No one.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Well, I guess given that declaration, no one but all of you, my fellow Journeyers\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I can thank my lucky stone that there aren\u2019t too many of you, huh?<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I hid it so well that I often forget where I put it.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I have a habit of doing those kinds of things.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Hiding something and then forgetting where I put it.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

So much so that Big Buy coined a new phrase in our house, a new code for something someone\u2019s misplaced.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

That boy has enough brain power to fuel a rocket, but can be as absent-minded as\u2026well\u2026his mother\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t lose it,\u201d he began saying, \u201cI hid it.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s the honest to goodness truth, too.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Every once in a while, when I have doubts about Warren and me and think about adding to this private little hoard, I have to ponder its location.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

And a time or two, I\u2019ve just stumbled across its presence and thought, Oh, yeah. I did that. I\u2019m hiding something<\/i>.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

And, Journeyers, when I choose to think about it, the secret screams at me and I feel horrible.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

You see, I\u2019m as honest as the hackneyed clich\u00e9, itself.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

And there\u2019s nothing I hate more than being lied to.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

When my children were growing up there were many times when I had to explain to them the differences between keeping a fun secret, one that would eventually be told, like a surprise birthday party or a holiday gift.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

And there were too many instances when I had to explain to them why their being asked into some sneaky, cover-it-up incident wasn\u2019t healthy for them or our family.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I, like Glennon, (um\u2026 the Momastery<\/span><\/a><\/i> momma makes us all feel like a best friend, doesn\u2019t she?) seem to have <\/span>walked all over my in-law\u2019s tablecloth when I entered their lives<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

G, as she signs off every post, so succinctly and eloquently sums up the space created when Warren and I married, a divide that occurs when people live and feel and act and believe so differently.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

And yet, despite those differences, there are commonalities in kindness and generosity and a strong desire to learn to leave our past pains behind.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

That is partly why I stay, why I strive to work things out, why I refuse to throw in the towel until I know that we\u2019ve exhausted all possibility.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

And yet, there is a financial reality of the life we\u2019ve created together.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

One where we\u2019ve spent most of our years together living like so many of our fellow countrymen, from paycheck to paycheck.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve done what I wanted to do these past years, working part-time and pursuing employment that afforded me more flexibility.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I wanted to be there for my children, to bake cookies for school bake sales, to craft projects and classroom holiday parties, and to volunteer as much as I could.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

The price of that freedom has been a financial dependence that I haven\u2019t known since I left college.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

And I\u2019m not convinced Warren\u2019s family would allow me to leave with the linens, if we were to part.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve met many women in this predicament, and a number of them have talked about their own buried bundles.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Play money.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Escape money.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

My<\/i> money, each and every one of them has emphasized.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

And though I\u2019ve never expressed my dislike for the covert action, I found the mentality to be a great contributor to the marital conflicts they also professed.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s a bit of self loathing that sits in the pit of my stomach.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t like that feeling, Journeyers, nor do I like the lie it represents.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

How can I expect trust from Warren when I can\u2019t offer the same in return?<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I tell myself that I\u2019m not the one who created the mistrust.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

But, as I\u2019ve said to my kids more times that I can count, \u201cTwo wrongs don\u2019t make a right.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

When I talked to Trish about my conflict, she didn\u2019t seem to act as if it were some horrific action.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

And yet, when I stumbled across my little funds the other day, that same guilt reared its little head.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

A feeble attempt at assuaging my mood, I tell myself that either way, the stash is a pretty little nest egg that the both of us will eventually benefit from, if our efforts to create a stronger marriage are successful.<\/span>
<\/span><\/p>\n
But for now, and until I discover the answers I need, maybe I should put down the hammer I\u2019ve been using to beat myself up with, and simply focus on being kind to Me\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
What about you, Journeyers, have you or someone you know kept a secret stash of funds? What\u2019s your take on the subject?<\/span><\/i> <\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Soon\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/a><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Journeyers, I have a confession. After Warren\u2019s last affair I began piling away a secret stash. Cold hard cash that no one knows about but me. No one. Well, I guess given that declaration, no one but all of you, my fellow Journeyers\u2026 I can thank my lucky stone that there aren\u2019t too many of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[936,686,786,937,80,938,54,56,788,605,223,939],"class_list":["post-379565","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-confession","tag-emotional-health","tag-emotions","tag-finances","tag-infidelity","tag-lies","tag-loss-and-healing","tag-marriage","tag-marriage-counseling","tag-momastery","tag-relationships","tag-secret-stash-of-money"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/379565","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=379565"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/379565\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=379565"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=379565"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=379565"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}