{"id":379585,"date":"2013-04-11T11:53:00","date_gmt":"2013-04-11T11:53:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/2013\/04\/11\/the-gift-of-receiving\/"},"modified":"2013-04-11T11:53:00","modified_gmt":"2013-04-11T11:53:00","slug":"the-gift-of-receiving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/2013\/04\/11\/the-gift-of-receiving\/","title":{"rendered":"The Gift of Receiving"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
I find great joy in giving<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
And following my recent surgery, I acknowledged how great it felt when <\/span>friends delivered food to my back door<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
But there was more to that story.<\/span><\/div>\n
An uncomfortable <\/i>more that made me stop and access my behavior.<\/span><\/div>\n
The third bearer of gifts sat down at the table and chatted with me as I scarffed<\/i> down the plate of sweet \u2018n sour chicken she\u2019d brought us.<\/span><\/div>\n
When I\u2019d finished, she stood up and grabbed my plate.<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cDo you want more? Can I get you anything else?\u201d she asked as I reached out to retract the dish from her hands.<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cSit,\u201d I objected, \u201clet\u2019s visit. You\u2019ve already done plenty\u2014\u201c<\/span><\/div>\n
She ignored my protest as she walked over to the sink, where she placed the dish she\u2019d skillfully secured from frantic fingers.<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cWe are talking,\u201d she said, \u201cbut what would make me even happier is if you\u2019d let me take care of this sink full of dishes.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/a><\/div>\n
\u201cThe boys are going to do them when they come home,\u201d I replied.<\/span><\/div>\n
What kind of woman rejects help with the household?<\/span><\/b><\/div>\n
Oh, my god! I\u2019ve been so <\/i>lazy\u2014and she\u2019s seeing it\u2014and, oh, Dear, please don\u2019t look at the filthy, dust-and-food-crumbs-littered floors\u2014and don\u2019t have to go to the bathroom. PLEASE don\u2019t have to go to the bathroom\u2026<\/i><\/span><\/div>\n
Did she say <\/i>dirty dishes or is that my own sense of shame speaking?<\/i><\/span><\/div>\n
Inept. Slob. Lazy. What kind of Mother\/Wife\/Housekeeper are you?<\/span><\/i><\/div>\n
\u201cBut I\u2019m here now and it would make me happy.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
Her words stopped my self-loathing and protesting dead in its tracks.<\/span><\/div>\n
What kind of woman am I?<\/span><\/div>\n
That <\/i>kind.<\/span><\/div>\n
The kind that is busy working, mothering, friend-ing<\/i>, neighbor-ring<\/i>, spouse-ing<\/i>, and chasing her own dreams\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
The girl next door who lives like so many of the rest of us warrior women.<\/span><\/div>\n
The one who has repeatedly told others, \u201cPlease don\u2019t apologize, \u2018cause I feel right at home,\u201d when they\u2019ve lamented their dirt, dust, and daily distress in her presence.<\/span><\/div>\n
And how many times have I commented, \u201cIf someone\u2019s coming to see me, she won\u2019t care about the condition of my house.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
She won\u2019t care about the book-and-dust laden furniture pieces, the dining room table littered with mail and supplies left from a school project, or the cobweb arcing between the two foyer lamps.<\/span><\/div>\n
Why, she, too, might even feel a sense of reprieve.<\/span><\/div>\n
And if she does care? Well, then, I might not be so bothered by the failure of a return visit.<\/span><\/div>\n
Why are women so wary of assistance from others?<\/span><\/b><\/div>\n
So why do we do this to ourselves?<\/span><\/div>\n
Why do we say things like, \u201cYou didn\u2019t have to do this,\u201d and \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t have done that!\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
Why do we feel like failures when our dwellings won\u2019t pass a white glove test?<\/span><\/div>\n
Why do we judge our worth by the state of our household or our ability to carry the burdens of the world on our own shoulders?<\/span><\/div>\n
This article over at Working Mother<\/span><\/a> targets a lingering Housewifery<\/i> mentality that hasn\u2019t matured with the goals and dreams of the twenty-first-century female.<\/span><\/div>\n
The woman who loves quality time with her family, enjoys being fit, spending time with girlfriends, and finds the challenge of work (be it paid or volunteer) outside the home to be stimulating and rewarding.<\/span><\/div>\n
She is nurturing and caring and compassionate and smart and witty and driven to dream and achieve.<\/span><\/div>\n
Yet she often doesn\u2019t treat herself with the same common courtesy she extends to others.<\/span><\/div>\n
Honestly, I find it absurd the way we beat ourselves up over dirty dishes…<\/span><\/p>\n

dust bunnies\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n

\n\n\n\n\n
<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Big Guy’s shot put
\nCarpet swatch samples and dust bunnies await my (unidvided) attention
\n(sweeping hardwood is my assigned task…)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n
\u2026general clutter like my pile of snowmen d\u00e9cor plopped just outside the storage closet\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/a><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u2026my piles of discarded clothing in the bathroom\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/a><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u2026or the phone table in the kitchen that is forever laden with miscellaneous crap\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/a><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Women are often the only people in the home who are battering themselves over messes.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Yes, there are critical spouses, and fault-finding children, but in my experiences, those commentators are the ones who aren\u2019t lifting fingers\u2014or dust rags\u2014to help out.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
And then there are those who will never see the mess, no matter how high the stacks of papers are or how deep the dust becomes.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
So what can we do about it, the mess (both mental and material), aside from quitting our jobs and abandoning our dreams?<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Know this. Super Woman was the figment of someone\u2019s imagination and Super Mom doesn\u2019t exist.<\/span><\/b><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Employ our children\u2019s help from an early age.<\/span><\/b><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Housework is all a part of teaching our children how to take care of themselves\u2026aka <\/span>teaching them how to fish<\/span><\/a>\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
At six-years old, Beauty began begging me to let her clean the bathroom like her big brother.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Nice, attentive, proactive Mommy that I am, I made her wait until she was six. You know. Those toxic chemicals and all.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Enlist Hubby\u2019s help.<\/span><\/b><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
If he\u2019s one of those old-school, Woman\u2019s Work<\/i>, kind of guys, pull out the guilt trip. \u201cHow can I teach the kids about family responsibility if their father won\u2019t participate?\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
If he comes back with a \u201cDo as I say, not as I do\u201d attitude, find the best damn marriage counselor you can.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Never assume your spouse can\u2019t or won\u2019t learn something new, like where all those plates and silverware go after they\u2019ve been washed, or what to do with his underwear and t-shirts.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
After years of re-negotiation, Warren has been one of my greatest allies against filth.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Remember that Giving and Receiving bear the mark of equality.<\/span><\/b><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
When we give, someone receives.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I don\u2019t know about you, but to me, there is little less rewarding than a bequest that isn\u2019t received with appreciation.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
As my friend stood at the sink, ready to roll up her sleeves, I thought about this yin and yang that wages war inside of me.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I remembered how tarnished my acts of generosity have felt when a recipient rejected them.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
And I chose to recognize the joy my friend was emoting, and to accept kindness with a gracious and happy heart.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cThank you, Friend.”<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
As The Giver began clanking dishes and running water, I relaxed and settled back into my chair, a welcome reprieve to my aching abdomen.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201dI am so blessed to have you in my life.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
That, Journeyers, is called The Gift of Receiving<\/i>.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
How about you? Do you struggle with or resist being A Gracious Receiver? How do you manage the conflict? Share your story here and spread the gift of knowledge\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Soon\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/a><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I find great joy in giving. And following my recent surgery, I acknowledged how great it felt when friends delivered food to my back door. But there was more to that story. An uncomfortable more that made me stop and access my behavior. The third bearer of gifts sat down at the table and chatted […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4199,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[338,575,113,277,318,556,483,859,340,20,63,860,861,31,862,167,863],"class_list":["post-379585","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-chores","tag-cleaning","tag-family","tag-friendships","tag-generosity","tag-gift-giving","tag-girlfriends","tag-housekeeping","tag-housework","tag-kindness","tag-parenting","tag-self-loathing","tag-surgery","tag-the-gift-of-receiving","tag-warrior-woman","tag-womens-issues","tag-working-mothers"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/Dirty-Dishes.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/379585","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=379585"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/379585\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4199"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=379585"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=379585"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=379585"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}