{"id":379636,"date":"2012-10-26T00:32:00","date_gmt":"2012-10-26T00:32:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/2012\/10\/26\/not-gods-plan-gods-will-or-divine-intervention\/"},"modified":"2012-10-26T00:32:00","modified_gmt":"2012-10-26T00:32:00","slug":"not-gods-plan-gods-will-or-divine-intervention","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/2012\/10\/26\/not-gods-plan-gods-will-or-divine-intervention\/","title":{"rendered":"(Not) God’s Plan, God’s Will, or Divine Intervention"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/p>\n
The only exception I have to <\/span>Richard Mourdock\u2019s recent statements regarding abortion<\/span><\/a> is\u2026well\u2026(almost) everything.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

There are so many emotions and feelings coursing through my body at his remarks that I don\u2019t even know where to begin.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I am equally repulsed, sickened, disheartened, angered, and flabbergasted that in the 21st<\/sup>century we still have people using language like \u201clegitimate rape.\u201d<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

No matter how many times this man might try to say his words were taken out of context, one cannot ignore the illogicality in his statement.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

“The only exception I have to have an abortion is in the case of the life of the mother. “I struggled with it myself for a long time, but I came to realize life is that gift from God. I think that even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen.”<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/i><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t even know where to begin, so let\u2019s begin at the beginning of his statement.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

“The only exception I have to have an abortion is in the case of the life of the mother.\u201d<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/i><\/b><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Mr. Mourdock, are you referring to the quantity of days in that life<\/i>, or to the quality of that life<\/i>?<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

When I was sixteen years old, I made a foolish mistake.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I dressed up in a floral-printed sundress\u2014it had the sweetest, tailored bolero jacket\u2014and entered a bar with a friend.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Innocent, young, and as na\u00efve as a newborn, I thought the college boy I\u2019d been chatting with most of the night was interested in getting to know me better when he asked me to go for a stroll on the downtown street in front of the pub, which was directly across from the university.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

And he was. But the only part of my body he wanted to get to know was my vagina.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, you\u2019re a virgin,\u201d he said as he zipped up his pants as quickly as he\u2019d unzipped them. \u201cI told myself I\u2019d never do that again.\u201d<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

He disappeared into the night as quickly as he\u2019d come into me.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I was left with blood trails crusting on my legs and dark red splotches seeping into the fibers of my favorite white dress.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Fortunately, his sperm never connected with my eggs.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

But what I can tell you is that I spent years\u2014decades\u2014blaming myself for that rape.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

All those horrible lies victims tell themselves ate at my soul.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I shouldn\u2019t have been there.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/i><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I asked for it because I was in a dress and in a bar and I returned his flirtations.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/i><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m so stupid.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/i><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

God is punishing me for being stupid\/playful\/na\u00efve\/enjoying the attention of a boy<\/span><\/i>.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

The next fifteen-plus years were filled with fear, self-loathing, and numerous thoughts of suicide.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Those issues would have only been compounded had I\u2014a vibrant, straight A student who worked at the local supermarket and was the most sought-after babysitter in the neighborhood\u2014been impregnated by this rapist.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

That chaos was the life of the raped teenager and would have been the life of the mother<\/i> had I conceived amongst the bushes beneath the streetlamp on Main Street, USA.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

“I struggled with it myself for a long time, but I came to realize life is that gift from God<\/span><\/i><\/b>.<\/o:p><\/span><\/i><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I do concur with you that life is a gift in the sense that it is something to be treasured, an existence for which we can give great thanks.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI think that even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen.”<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/i><\/b><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Mr. Mourdock, I cannot begin to tell you the fear that coursed through me when my picture-perfect, peaceful labor and delivery room setting became a flourish of Code Blue Responders.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I cannot begin to tell you the pain that seized every cell in my body when the nurse responded to my question, \u201cWhere\u2019s my baby?\u201d with this: \u201cI\u2019m sorry. He didn\u2019t make it.\u201d<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I cannot begin to tell you the confusion I faced, me, this mother without a child.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I cannot begin to tell you the shame I bore in not being able to protect my baby from harm.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I cannot begin to convey to you the anguish I felt when I imagined him suffering, suffocating<\/i> when he inhaled his meconium (baby\u2019s first stool), as he made his way through the birth canal.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

And I cannot begin to share with you the agony I felt over expressions like, \u201cIt was God\u2019s will and God\u2019s plan.\u201d Or phrases like these, \u201cWhen God closes one door, he opens another.\u201d \u201cGod plucked a beautiful rose for heaven.\u201d<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

But the one that caused me the greatest conflict and infuriated me the most, Mr. Mourdock, was this paradox: \u201cGod is not a cruel God; He is a loving God.\u201d<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

By its very definition, cruel<\/i> means to knowingly inflict pain on another.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

God would know how much pain I would endure upon the death of this child, one I had thought about since I was a young girl.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

God would know how utterly terrifying and brutal it is to asphyxiate.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

A kind God wouldn\u2019t allow a mother to suffer the death of one child, let alone endorse on her life the loss of two more to miscarriage.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

A kind God wouldn\u2019t decide that one of His children would burn alive in a house fire, he wouldn\u2019t sanction affairs, and he certainly wouldn\u2019t push little old ladies down flights of stairs to their deaths.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

The Spiritual Facet of my grief was the most difficult to resolve because of these things that organized religion tells us.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll never forget the moment I found that last piece of my grief puzzle<\/span><\/b>.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I had gone on to successfully bear two children and my third nestled deep in my womb when I finally learned the truth that Warren and my best friend were, indeed, having an affair.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Within hours I lay broken on the floor of my kitchen, slumped against my washer.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Every academic, emotional, physical, social, and spiritual piece of me had been shredded. The last thread I\u2019d held on to\u2014the spiritual connection and belief in people\u2014had vaporized.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

In that heap, though, remained a thread of moxie, a strand of hope that told me to pick up the phone.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

The minister on the other end of the line couldn\u2019t help me because he was moving; the cargo van literally pulling out of the drive as we spoke.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

But he gave me the name and number of a woman who, in one short hour, became my lifeline.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

My sorrows spewed from my lips as I sat across from this lady who was crippled with MS, her slight figure frail in a seat that seemed to swallow her.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow could God allow a person to experience so much tragedy?\u201d I wailed.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

God neither promotes nor enacts injustice and suffering<\/span><\/b>.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGod is always with us,\u201d this savior said to me. \u201c\u2026divine intervention is rare\u2026 He was in the room with you when you encountered abuse\u2014He was crying out in pain with you and screaming for it to stop\u2026\u201d<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

In that very moment, I could feel the weight of enormous arms wrapping me in a warm, compassionate embrace.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

And I found peace.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Mr. Mourdock, I do not<\/i> think that when life begins in that horrible situation of rape that it is something that God intended to happen.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I do not think that God chooses who will and won\u2019t conceive, that he handpicks drug-addicted\/violent\/absentee girls to become mothers and leaves other capable\/caring\/compassionate women barren.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

My loving God was shouting at the top of his lungs for every perpetrator to stop, he was rocking the battered and frightened females (male victims, too), and he held the hand of each as she walked through life, trying to make sense of it all.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I respect your right to honor your God as He fits into your life, Mr. Mourdock, to live by the code of your own religion.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I humbly ask that you show some consideration for those of us who believe God\u2019s Will and God\u2019s Plan are grounded in a different sort of grace.<\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

Soon\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The only exception I have to Richard Mourdock\u2019s recent statements regarding abortion is\u2026well\u2026(almost) everything. There are so many emotions and feelings coursing through my body at his remarks that I don\u2019t even know where to begin. I am equally repulsed, sickened, disheartened, angered, and flabbergasted that in the 21stcentury we still have people using language […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[436,452,173,453,454,455,456,451,457,458,94,459,28,69,460,167],"class_list":["post-379636","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-abortion","tag-divine-intervention","tag-god","tag-gods-intentions","tag-gods-plan","tag-gods-will","tag-life-of-the-mother","tag-parents","tag-pregnancy","tag-rape","tag-religion","tag-richard-mourdock","tag-spirituality","tag-the-five-facets","tag-women","tag-womens-issues"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/379636","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=379636"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/379636\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=379636"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=379636"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=379636"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}