{"id":379681,"date":"2012-05-28T05:48:00","date_gmt":"2012-05-28T05:48:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/2012\/05\/28\/dear-john-how-the-sagas-of-people-like-john-edwards-and-john-travolta-affect-people-like-me\/"},"modified":"2012-05-28T05:48:00","modified_gmt":"2012-05-28T05:48:00","slug":"dear-john-how-the-sagas-of-people-like-john-edwards-and-john-travolta-affect-people-like-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/2012\/05\/28\/dear-john-how-the-sagas-of-people-like-john-edwards-and-john-travolta-affect-people-like-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Dear John; How the Sagas of People Like John Edwards and John Travolta Affect People Like Me"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
I would have voted for you, John Edwards.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span>The All-American Boy who grew up in Small Town America. The Boy Next Door with good ole\u2019 fashioned values and a warm charm that is part and parcel to Southern-style hospitality.<\/span><\/p>\n

As it is, I don\u2019t remember the last time I voted for a U.S. President.<\/span><\/p>\n

Politicians are liars and cheaters and manipulators.<\/span><\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

They tell you what you want to hear.<\/span><\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

And even if they are sincere to begin with, they end up climbing in to bed with Money, Power, and\/or Greed<\/i>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

In 1995, while Clinton was carrying on in the oval office with an intern, my husband and I were preparing to open our business, and raising two children under the age of three.<\/span><\/p>\n

We were also coping with two miscarriages and the five-year <\/span>anniversary of our eldest son\u2019s death<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Warren and Bill, two politicians who would never meet, would each spend the better part of 1996 staving off rumors and concerns about extramarital activities.<\/span><\/p>\n

But, no matter the scheme, there are usually\u2014though not always\u2014signs of an affair, even subtle as they might be.<\/span><\/p>\n

Clinton and Monica had political discussions and documentation deliveries to use as their cover up.<\/span><\/p>\n

Warren and my best friend (who we had hired) also had work as an excuse.<\/span><\/p>\n

But it is hard to hide the chemistry of two people who are caught up in emotional and sexual energy.<\/span><\/p>\n

The one event that resurrects itself when I speak of such things, is the time I waddled into the office\u2014my pregnant belly leading the way\u2014to find my friend sucking on an apple, her posture loose and seductive as she and my husband gazed at one another from across the room. And then a rigidity that locked their spines when they noticed my presence.<\/span><\/p>\n

A blip, a flash in time, really, yet a warning as blaring as the horn on a sinking ship.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n

\u201cUgh<\/i>. How do you think I could get involved with her<\/i>? Her face is nothing but big, scary wrinkles.\u201d Warren visibly shuddered when he responded to my question about their level of involvement. \u201cShe\u2019s a dog. Ugh<\/i>.\u201d He shuddered, again.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I wonder if Hillary had similar discussions with Bill before <\/span>a stained, little blue dress unraveled the Clinton-Lewinsky affair.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/a><\/div>\n
I wonder if Hillary heard similar protests prior to Bill’s infamous, <\/span>\u201cI never had sexual relations with that woman, Monica Lewinsky.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I wonder if Elizabeth had any suspicions in 2006, or if she was as blindsided by John Edwards\u2019 affair with one of his staff members, as I was of my husband\u2019s dalliances with yet another woman.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo! Not John Edwards!\u201d I lamented.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n
I wonder if she knew, when she stripped her shirt from her chest in an airport and hollered at John, \u201cYou don\u2019t see me anymore!,\u201d that across the miles another woman was gyrating her hips at her husband and shouting, \u201cWhat does she have that I don\u2019t have?!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I wonder how many women (and men affected by adultery) look, initially, to some physical element as a potential cause for the affair.<\/span><\/p>\n

For a time after Warren\u2019s first affair, I thought about my wrinkly-faced friend, and could only imagine how repulsive my husband must have found me to be, if he could say such a thing about the woman he was screwing right under my nose.<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course, I did come to understand that adultery doesn\u2019t have anything to do with sex, really. There is always some underlying insecurity or fear or frustration that drives a person to commit infidelity.<\/span><\/p>\n

And though it may appear that it has something to do with the spouse, it is entirely about the person stepping out on the marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHave you heard anything about what\u2019s going on with John Travolta?\u201d Warren asked me the other day. \u201cI\u2019m not sure, but his name is all over the radio the past few days, something about involvement with other men.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I rarely pick up magazines because the news is stale before I actually have time to read whatever article caught my eye.<\/span><\/p>\n

My husband isn\u2019t prone to gossip, nor does he buy into Hollywood hype.<\/span><\/p>\n

Two days prior to the article, a lens of Warren\u2019s fishing glasses had fallen out while we were on the boat, and I told him he looked like one of the guys in Wild Hogs<\/i>.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt wasn\u2019t Travolta,\u201d I said, \u201cIt was that guy they call an actor\u2019s actor\u2026 Macy\u2026William H. Macy.\u201d Maybe it was the ensuing movie conversation that made Warren mention the Travolta news.<\/span><\/p>\n

Regardless of why he told me what he\u2019d heard, I couldn\u2019t resist the People<\/i> cover staring at me in the grocery aisle, \u201cTravolta Under Fire. Inside the Scandal. Shocking Sex Charges.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Once home, I opened the magazine to discover the piece on John Edwards, one detailing Elizabeth\u2019s public outburst.<\/span><\/p>\n

And I was right there with her, in the airport, ripping off my shirt, hurling my pain at the person who had hurt me so badly, for had I endured breast cancer, I would likely have done the very same thing\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

The article\u2019s quote, \u201cNo one is going to deny that Mr. Edwards lied and lied and lied and lied,\u201d brought up bile from the pit of my stomach.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDeny. DENY. DENY!!!\u201d That\u2019s what I raged at my husband on many occasions. \u201cHow will I ever be able to trust you, again?!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The feelings I had while reading the piece are no surprise, given my recent discovery that <\/span>I still have healing to do<\/span><\/a>. I still have unresolved conflict and feelings of mistrust.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
As I read the Travolta piece, I couldn\u2019t help but wonder about Kelly Preston.<\/span><\/p>\n

Does she trust John implicitly or does she have any doubts about the validity of the accusations?<\/span><\/p>\n

If she is questioning, does she know that she isn\u2019t alone in her fears?<\/span><\/p>\n

Either way, does she know that others are thinking, wailing really, \u201cNot<\/i> John Travolta!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Our paths have never crossed, and yet, there is a unique bond between Elizabeth, Kelly, me, and the countless others who have endured child loss and infidelity.<\/span><\/p>\n

The road to healing from either one of these is an arduous journey, a voyage dotted with many twists and turns. Combining them makes the way a little messier.<\/span><\/p>\n

A few days ago, I felt invalidated when Warren ignored a suggestion I made, only to later heed the same advice from a male friend.<\/span><\/p>\n

Reading these two articles highlighted my current conflict and fed my fury.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI wish you\u2019d have given thought to how much damage you were going to do to your family,\u201d I shouted at my husband, \u201chow much pain you were going to thrust upon us, before you decided to unzip your pants for another woman,\u201d I shouted at my husband all those years ago.<\/span><\/p>\n

And as I read these stories, I couldn\u2019t help but think about the Edwards and Travolta children.<\/span><\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t help but think about <\/span>the piece I wrote for Maria Shriver<\/span><\/a>, one year ago, almost to the day, after news broke of Arnold\u2019s affair.<\/span><\/p>\n

An affair, like John Edwards\u2019, that produced a child.<\/span><\/p>\n

The People<\/i> story reminded me about the vasectomy Warren convinced me he should have, when I was pregnant with our youngest child.<\/span><\/p>\n

My doctor had suggested I have my tubes tied after my daughter was born, due to the complicated pregnancies and the two miscarriages I\u2019d experienced, but I\u2019d chosen to use birth control until such time I could make a rested decision.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYour body has been through so much, both physically and emotionally,\u201d my obstetrician had said.<\/span><\/p>\n

And though Warren was, ultimately, the voice of reason, I couldn\u2019t help but believe, after I learned the truth about him and my friend, that the real motive behind his operation was the affair; that he didn\u2019t want to risk impregnating his mistress\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

For that, I am thankful. And yet, I don\u2019t know what I would do if I found out he had fathered a child with another woman.<\/span><\/p>\n

When it comes to infidelity, most of us have strong opinions.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cu stayed married to a man who wanted to leave u 4 ur best friend & then had a second affair after u forgave that?\u201d one Twitter follower wrote. \u201cI couldn\u2019t\/wouldn’t do that,\u201d countless others have said.<\/span><\/p>\n

Huffingpost picked up Pauline Gaines\u2019 post <\/span>Should Maria Take Arnold Back?<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

And though it really isn\u2019t any of our concern, many would offer a resounding \u2018NO.\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt takes two to make a marriage work,\u201d my therapist once said, \u201cbut only one to screw it up.\u201d<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

That is true before and after an affair. There are more people who do try to make the marriage work after adultery than you can imagine.<\/span><\/p>\n

My children were one of the multitude of reasons I chose to make a go ot it. I would surmise the same is true for Hillary, and that the children played a role in Elizabeth’s attempt to stay in the marriage, and (if the rumors are true) Maria’s reconsiderations.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNever say never,\u201d I have said for years, \u201cfor you never know what you\u2019ll do in a situation until you are faced with it…\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I’d cast my vote for that truth every day of the week, and twice on Sundays…<\/span><\/p>\n

Soon\u2026<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I would have voted for you, John Edwards. The All-American Boy who grew up in Small Town America. The Boy Next Door with good ole\u2019 fashioned values and a warm charm that is part and parcel to Southern-style hospitality. As it is, I don\u2019t remember the last time I voted for a U.S. President. Politicians […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4363,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[49,240,87,177,50,113,241,242,243,244,201,245,223,69,167],"class_list":["post-379681","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-adultery","tag-arnold-schwarzenegger","tag-child-loss","tag-divorce","tag-elizabeth-edwards","tag-family","tag-huffington-post","tag-john-edwards","tag-john-travolta","tag-kelly-preston","tag-maria-shriver","tag-people","tag-relationships","tag-the-five-facets","tag-womens-issues"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/Wrinkly-faced-dog.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/379681","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=379681"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/379681\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4363"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=379681"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=379681"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=379681"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}