{"id":380084,"date":"2018-05-11T15:54:44","date_gmt":"2018-05-11T15:54:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/2018\/05\/11\/a-mothers-day-tragedy-and-a-birth-death-day-celebration\/"},"modified":"2018-05-11T15:54:44","modified_gmt":"2018-05-11T15:54:44","slug":"a-mothers-day-tragedy-and-a-birth-death-day-celebration","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/2018\/05\/11\/a-mothers-day-tragedy-and-a-birth-death-day-celebration\/","title":{"rendered":"A Mother’s Day Tragedy and a Birth-Death Day Celebration"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Neighbor,<\/p>\n

Twenty-eight years ago, a miracle happened when a child was born.<\/p>\n

When you think about everything that must occur prior to any birth, the precise nature of so many scientific details, every delivery is miraculous.<\/p>\n

When I began writing this post, I realized that twenty-eight years ago, at the exact same hour, I was timing and logging contractions that signaled an approaching end to an otherwise picture-perfect pregnancy.<\/p>\n

I had worked and waddled my way through the day before, exhausted by my thirty-eight-weeks gestation belly but energized by the idea of motherhood that was soon to come.<\/p>\n

At 2:54 in the afternoon I phoned my doctor and was instructed by the phone nurse to head over to the hospital and to be prepared for delivery!<\/p>\n

Our bags were packed and we were ready to go, but unlike those John Denver lyrics, there would be no chance to say goodbye.<\/p>\n

You see, Neighbor, our precious boy, Gavin Michael, aspirated on his meconium (the baby’s first stool) and was, for reasons unknown, unable to survive this commonly non-fatal occurrence.<\/p>\n

I remember receiving two Mother’s Day cards and I wept. What kind of mother has no child?<\/a><\/p>\n

I remember thinking from my morphine-induced stupor that I didn’t want to spend a lifetime mourning my son. I didn’t know what that meant, what it looked like on the other side, or how the heck I was ever going to get there, but I knew what I didn’t want.<\/p>\n

\"\"I grieved. I swore. I shut down. I smiled. I wailed and railed at God, at myself, and at the universe.<\/p>\n

I went on to suffer two miscarriages and three more complicated, but successful pregnancies.<\/p>\n

I grieved. I ignored my grief. I sought answers to my many questions.<\/p>\n

In those earliest of years, every single Mother’s Day felt like torture. Even after I had living children, I struggled for years with guilt and a nagging fear about whether or not I should be<\/em> celebrating.<\/p>\n

Those early times when my son’s Birth-Death Day coincided with Mother’s Day, my heart ached so I thought it might implode, collapsing me into myself until there was nothing left but the now breathable air, air that in my presence had been heavy and toxic.<\/p>\n

I longed for healing. I feared so many things. I acted brave.<\/p>\n

I repeated those chaotic steps so many times.<\/p>\n

Tragedy often leaves us feeling like we are in a perpetual rinse and repeat cycle of grief and hope.<\/strong><\/p>\n

But today, twenty-eight years later, I can honestly tell you that I no longer mourn my son.<\/p>\n

I guess I hadn’t really understood what I DID want, until I put it into words while writing Digging for the Light: One Woman’s Journey from Heartache to Hope<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n

What I wanted was to one day celebrate my son’s life.<\/p>\n

And today, I do just that.<\/p>\n

Today I imagine a heaven filled with desserts in every color, flavor, and texture.<\/p>\n

The newest and youngest souls have chocolate spread from ear to ear and cake crumbs strewn to eternity.<\/p>\n

In place of any pain, suffering, guilt, or shame lies laughter, freedom, light, and a love so strong and bright that we Humans can only imagine.<\/p>\n

In Heaven, there is a unity created by eternal bonds that know no boundaries and no limits.<\/p>\n

Healing happens in Heaven. And on Earth.<\/strong><\/p>\n

A few days ago I wanted to make an appointment with someone who came highly recommended in helping me with some difficult life situations I’ve been facing.<\/p>\n

“I’m booking into the end of June,” she said.<\/p>\n

We discussed the couple of times a day I would be able to schedule an appointment and as she began thumbing through her calendar I could hear hesitation in her voice.<\/p>\n

“I don’t know how this happened, but it seems I have a five o’clock opening this Friday, May 11th.”<\/p>\n

I knew in my heart that my boy had been a part of that.<\/p>\n

As I told Warren about it, I heard Gavin say, “Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.”<\/p>\n

Thank you, Son, and a very Happy Birthday to you!<\/p>\n

I love you as big as the whole wide world!<\/p>\n

And to you, Neighbor, thank you for sharing this day with me.<\/p>\n

If you are struggling, please have hope and know that you, too, can move beyond this pain that has you grasping for air and into a place of peace that feels right for you…in your own time and in your own way…<\/p>\n

Until next time, yours in hope, healing, and happiness,<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Neighbor, Twenty-eight years ago, a miracle happened when a child was born. When you think about everything that must occur prior to any birth, the precise nature of so many scientific details, every delivery is miraculous. When I began writing this post, I realized that twenty-eight years ago, at the exact same hour, I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":380085,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1904,1412,1911,1387,1903,1382],"tags":[848,1640,1850,203,1560,1851,87,34,61,113,1146,36,14,285,1264,38,95,322,63,1181,1186,466],"class_list":["post-380084","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-and-healing","category-family","category-gavin-parenting","category-grief","category-loss","category-parenting","tag-bereavement","tag-beyond-bereavement-workshops","tag-birth-death-day","tag-birthday","tag-birthday-in-heaven","tag-celebrations","tag-child-loss","tag-conflict-resolution","tag-death","tag-family","tag-gavin","tag-grief","tag-healing","tag-hope","tag-hope-for-bereaved","tag-loss","tag-miscarriage","tag-mothers-day","tag-parenting","tag-the-five-facets-of-healing","tag-the-five-steps-of-healing","tag-tragedy"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/Healing-happens-in-Heaven.-And-on-Earth.Happy-Birth-Death-Day..png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/380084","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=380084"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/380084\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/380085"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=380084"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=380084"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.annahelizabeth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=380084"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}